well if things didnt already suck, lets just throw something else on top of it like my grandfather being in the hospital! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!?!?!?! When do I get a break? Today's already been hard on me as it is, lets just throw some more. He has a bowel obstruction and they are probably going to have to put a tube in him to help release the gas. I asked my grandmother if he'll be okay (because I am not medically intelligent) and she said she hoped so. She thinks its a build up because he has stomach pains as often as me (but worse). So I just looked it up and got some information on it. And in this conversation, I find out he has cancer somewhere which has to do with his nose. Seriously?! So he's staying over night at the hospital and they're gonna try to find out more. I dont even know what to think about things. Anything.

I have had this calm peace about me until just recently. It was the weirdest thing I have ever experienced. I have found out a bunch of stuff today (not just whats been talked about either through here or verbally have talked about) and I have been able to maintain some type of calmness. I joke around but I really do think its her in me today. I think my body last night let it all out and the 3 hrs of crying that I did help me relax today. I think she's telling me (and amanda agrees in her case) that just breathe. I even have friends mad at me today. I am okay. All until about 15 min ago was I okay with everything to some degree. I even called my friend Emily to check on her and she was okay so that was another plus on my side. Then the answering machine goes off at my house and its my grandma. I am sure its fixable and such and I am just reading all this stuff but I really want to just freak out right now. I am going to be worrying about this all night. I know me. I worry. Just make today end. 21 more minutes. Ill be okay. I know. When it rains though... it pours....

oh and snow... wth?! lol.
I really am sane.... ive just hit a lot of road bumps the past couple of weeks...