Mixed feelings Big dreams

I giggle at my playlist on my myspace. It's so funny for some reason to me. I am so out of it today. I am here but I am not. It's been like this for a few days. Its kinda funny but its pretty scary if you ask me because its similiar to disassociation. Oh well. Fun times.

So I have had some pretty goofy health issues lately but I am ignoring some of them like a moron. But thats not the point of putting this paragraph in here... I did find one thing out... It's not my sugar!!!! YAY!!!! My neighbor is diabetic and I was over her house this evening just chatting it up and I guess my hands were shaking pretty bad, like abnormal. She's like "can I test your sugar?" Me, laid back about life... "Sure. Why not?! Could be fun." 9o something. Not too shabby. She said its supposed to be like between 70-120? Dont quote me on that. It's pretty much in the middle but I guess I was shaking pretty bad so she was happy it wasnt my sugar. Me too! It was always a concern for me. I have this fear of doctors that I will not go unless absolutely necessary (like I have to take an ambulance because I broke something or something horrific). I could be a guy when it comes to this. I refuse! I also have a pretty messed up way of looking at it too that I wont share because it tends to annoy people. It runs in my family. My sister and I have the shakes. She's not a moron like I am... she goes to the docs! My dad has it. He's like me. My grandpa has it but he's always at the doctors. He's 81 years old! So thats awesome at least. I was afraid I may be diabetic.

I act like things dont concern me when they really do. I rock at hiding my feelings. I bottle them up and deal with them on my own. I have an awesome support system though so I should be more secure then I am. Previous experiences, thats all. Everyone has them and Ive discussed this before. My health though is always a concern, I just ignore it... lets face it--- we're not working with a genius here!

OMG! So I went to my brother's today (did I mention I am never home?) and I had always seen this thing in a frame but never cared enough to read it. I usually have a purpose if I am over there so I usually dont pay too much attention to a whole lot. I am not the most observant person, I promise! So today, after dropping some stuff off to him that my dad asked me to, we were just sitting there hanging out, BSing. He has a rather decent size fish tank in his living room that he was looking at. Me--- nosey... is like whatcha doing?! So anyways, to the point, I see the frame and see this beautiful quote. OMG! I started copying it immediately!!! I have like 3 more lines to write (had to go because he had to go) but when I get it written, ill definately post it!!!! It fits me beyond perfectly right now. Things that I am dealing with and things that are weighing on my mind. It's good for optimism. It's good for if you are trying to be open minded and accepting. Whatever! It's perfect! I wish I could share it right now because it's a beautiful piece of writing and I rarely say that. I am such a critic. Thats even more hilarious because I am obviously not the most poetic writer in the world. But I cannot wait to share it!!! Fabulous!

I have some thoughts I just dont know how to articulate it right now so therefore I am not going to. I hope this weekend is awesome!!! So pumped up. I want to dance my butt off too!

"Meow"