Pouring it out

I am finally feeling a lot better! Thank God! I was so miserable for a week---even the days where I just had the sniffles and a runny nose, I felt so miserable. Today I tried to make myself look more presentable. Tonight too. I ran into some friends last night and I saw the one tonight and they're like feeling better? yep. Why did I really like really sick? and they said yes. sweet! Glad I looked like crap. My cousin told me Tuesday that I looked like death. Sweet right lol. Oh well. If I am sick--- I look like crap.

So much is going on right now. I have a million things running through my mind. I have work and the crap thats going on with that; I have family; friends; crushes lol; school stuff, future... blah blah blah. Lets start with work. We are getting a general manager like person for work. Its okay I guess. It's weird for me though. I have been there for 5 years and adding a new person in the mix is just weird and making me feel a little uneasy about it. Ill give him a chance but its gonna be weird because there is such a comfort zone with my manager and my boss. I can be bluntly honest with my manager. I can talk to her about things that bother me, politics, work related topics, theories, yadda yadda. She's almost like a 2nd mom to me. Well... maybe a grandma because shes got about 20 years on my mom. lol. But we're close. Like she can discuss problems with me at work and I dont take it so personal. Coming from me--- thats a feat! My boss--- he's my boss but I am comfortable talking to him too about anything. I dont hesitate to talk to him or anything. I have even discussed that whenever I do open my own business (I plan on opening my own practice when I (if I lol) ever graduate college) and get some advice from him. He was more than happy to oblige and even somewhat talk to me about it the day I brought it up to him. So just adding someone else too is just weird for me. Like I said--- i'll give it a chance but change is weird for me.

Family. Family is all doing pretty well. It seems like I never really get to see any of them these days and I actually kinda miss them. I see my dad a lot and we have become pretty close. I miss my sister ... she only lives about 30 min away but when I really need her to talk about something, she's too far away for me to just get up in the middle of the night and drive to her house like I used to do. She has been there for me through so much stuff and it's so funny because we used to drive each other nuts and yelling matches were a day to day with us. Yes I do get mad sometimes. Hard to believe, i am sure. I know I can call her but she works at a tavern and I never know her work schedule. I just miss her. I am weird I know.

Friends. I love my friends! I would do anything in the world for them. One of them is being kinda weird and I cannot quite figure it out. I try to read her and I cant. She's too complicated for me lol. She's wishy washy towards me and I dunno if its because after our little weird talks and shes like in self preservation mode like I get or if I am just overanalyzing everything like everything else in this world. I dunno. I am crazy I think. I saw a fight tonight uptown. It was pretty interesting to watch and never a dull moment. I also am realizing some people are being weird towards me. What'd I do? Once again, I may just be reading into it all. Like I said, theres too much going on that I am reading in towards everything. Then theres the other thing. Uggh. I dont like thinking about it. I pretend it doesnt bother me but it does. It is what it is I guess. Just letting it go.

And then its the crush.... uggh again lol. But tonight I am kinda proud of myself. I was really nice to him. I kept walking by him and making eye contact with him and smiling. I even, at certain time, blatantly stared at him so that's pretty obvious. I suck at this. He came up to me at the end of the night (I was shocked) and I told him "Hey Chris drive the bus! (pretend to drive a car all ghetto)" He just looked at me then danced on me. I kinda just looked at him. He looked at me and backed away. I grabbed his arm nicely and was like no you're fine. He kinda just looked at me and smiled... then proceeded to dance on me more. lol. I just smiled and laughed a lot. which is another feat for me because I hate being danced on. I dont know why it freaks me out. I am friends/acquintances with some of his friends so of course they walked up to me and he just kinda looked at us and walked away. WTF! Way to mess up the little game that I have. What am I supposed to do with that?! So we're making progress. I am making efforts. I think he's realizing I am starting to lighten up and maybe things will go my way. But here's the problems: I only see him when he's pretty much drunk. So is this drunk flirting or is this just flirting? There's a difference. I try not to think into anything that has to do with guys because I am usually let down from the expectation in some way or another. Or maybe I am just nervous....

School stuff. I just wanna be done and I am afraid of failure (this is via future!)! I am falling asleep at my pc.... goodnight