"All eyes on me in the center of a ring... just like a circus"

Well my 2 days of sadness and blehhh are hopefully going to come to an end. I am a trip. I went through the "I am sad" and then the "I am mad" and now I am just like ehhh. Sucks but life happens. I now have a couple of questions and I kinda wonder if its me but at the same time it's like I dont wanna know. I work in really goofy ways. I give myself 1 more day and then I am done w/ it. 3 days is plenty of time for a 2 wk relationship. Just funny like I said because he's the first one I genuinely liked in a while. Oh well. I just keep busy because if I dont, I start picking at myself and start criticizing. Oh well. People love me and thats all that matters. Plus I saved $50 for christmas so theres my silver lining.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE (shall I keep going?) the new Britney Spears' song "Circus". I am so happy she's having a comeback. My best and I love her. I giggle at the part where shes like "theres only two types of guys in the world/ the ones that can hang with me and the ones that are scared). Ain't that the da*n truth! lol. Not to toot my own horn but I am a pretty cool chick (can you tell my self esteem is down lol). I am a little weird and off-landish but I have plenty of friends and family so I must be doing something right?!

I am in such a crafty mood the past 2 days. A lot has to do with just staying busy but I cannot complain for the creativity side thats coming out! I made my "snowman poop" (mashmallows) and "reindeer poop" (peanut butter and choc cereal balls) for the niece and nephews. They all love both! I am thinking of making a snowman pillow but I need to buy some of the "filling". I am excited. Thats the only exciting part about being upset about stuff is that I get super creative because thats my outlet. I dont talk about stuff. Well I do but I dont like going into super depths and I use that negative energy and just go nuts creatively! I havent drawn yet... always a good sign! I have to work on my mom's christmas stuff. I want to make my grandpa something. I dont know yet what. God he means the world to me! I havent seen him in a few days and actually my eyes are starting to water just thinking about him.....

So about that.... yea... ummm... I talked to my aunt today on the phone and she gave me the latest. He's in his 2nd week of radiology. It's starting to wear on him. Shortness of breath. Super tired. Getting weak. Makes me wanna vomit hardcore! I am so overly emotional these days. No knowledge of it spreading anymore though but they havent really done a PET Scan to find that out. I think that is the scan that they do. I dunno. People are more intelligent than I am. I am hopefully going to get to see him tomorrow. I hope that I dont get called into work. EWW and uggh lol.

He just text me. It made me smile and made me feel weird all at the same time. UGGH. Boys!