Well it was nice to find some momentarily happiness in what was pretty much a dark time for me. It was really bad a month ago. I mean.. bad! Anyways, today I am pretty down because the boy and I have broken up. He initiated it. It's okay. I am okay. I understood. I am way too dang understanding and easy going. It's a great quality for people but a crappy one for me. It's so weird. I want to be completely alone (preferably in an empty field at 70 degrees but my house at 68 will be okay too and in the 40s will have to work). I want to be around people. I actually really liked him. He's the first person I have really liked in about a year. In a sense, he was actually more of a blessing than anything. I was a lot happier when he came around. He distracted me from all the BS that was going on in my life and just made me happy.

Oh well. I wanna cry which makes me feel ridiculous because we werent together for long at all. I cried for about 3 minutes. I dont know. I cannot even explain how I feel. Just depressed. Somewhat sick to my stomach and in an enormous need for a hug. I want him to call and I want him to just leave me alone at the same time. I havent felt this way in a while.... I didnt miss it. Uggh. I hate this. I just hope I dont go back into that depression again. It was scary for me. I am just waiting to turn numb. Defense mechanism. It's a wonderful thing. I really want to go numb right now.