Dec 6

So so so much has been going on lately. Some good. Some bad. Lets start with the good. I am with an awesome guy right now :). Everything is so new and so fun :). We like each other a lot and we have only known each other for a short time so its a little nerve wracking for both of us but we are definately enjoying ourselves. He just got out of the air force and is now in the national guard. I'm dating a military boy... who wouldve thought. He's so sweet and very easy going and easy to talk to. We have a lot in common but a lot different. He teaches me a lot of stuff. There's definately an attraction between the two of us too. We can just sit around and talk or we can be all cute and cuddly. I find myself being a lot happier lately and just goofier. I dont think about the bad crap going on when I am with him and I think about him a lot when we're not together. I dont wanna screw it up lol.
So yay for me! :)

I got news about my grandpa. Pretty heartbreaking. His cancer has been progressing rapidly. They now found tumors in not only his lungs and his lymph nodes, but now in his liver. It really makes me wanna cry. The poor man has cancer all throughout his body now and I cannot help but feel this horrible anger take over me when I think about it. I mean he's had prior cancers (prostate, bladder, and I wanna say colon but I dont remember) and now lets add some more! It's ridiculous! He begins radiation on Monday and that hopefully buys us time but my god! Gimme a break! I dont know how he can still have a positive attitude but I definately give him credit for it. The man is 81. I am happy though, for my silver lining, and I will have him for the holidays hopefully! It terrifies me though. I am not going to lie. Luckily I have been preoccupied with positive things (like the boy and my friends) but its definately in my head. I have talked to my close friends about it and now my new interest about it and they have been very good to me in asking me how he is and letting me discuss whatever I want with it. It's definately making me change my outlook on a lot of things and forcing me to redefine my priorities and what I let break me down and not. It's really hard though and the thoughts bug me. Ugggh! I really hate thinking about it. Tonight's the first night in 3 wks since I have really sat down and thought about it again and I already feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I dont wanna cry. I promised myself that I cannot allow it to affect me because he's still with me but it's all frustration at this point. Lack of understanding.

Christmas is coming! Thank God! Only bad thing is cash flow is pretty low but I am definately making do with what I can and what I have *thank God for VS credit card and lots of friends that are girls lol* . I am not sure what I am going to get Nick yet and he wont give me any hints. Everyone else I pretty much have a good idea. Well my dad I am pretty clueless too lol.

Well its almost 2 and I gotta get up in the AM.