Venting and then kiddies

Ok so I didnt get to finish my last post so I just clicked out of it. I have thought about this event all day today and in all seriousness--- the situation just pisses me off. It's not my fault and I am not going to blame myself for it. I am not a bad friend (catch up to speed--- a friend wants to distance herself from me). I am emotional and moody... yes... we all are. I dont care who you are, if you say you're not, you're a freaking liar! I am always around to listen. Granted I am busy a lot but you juggle 6 days of work, school, friends, family, and trying to have your own personal time so you dont lose your sanity and you tell me if you're always going to be around. Whatever. I dont devulge secrets to others. I keep my mouth shut. I am nice usually 85 % of the time. I do have my moments. So I dunno. I decided not to let it get me down. It's not really my thing I have to deal with. Just the reprocussions of it. I am over trying to deal with it all.

I have the F-it philosophy these days. I cannot constantly be getting sick because I am too stressed out over things I have no control over. I'm serious. I probably got like 5 stomach aches a week due to stress (or sometimes eating something bad). But it felt like I was always sick. My friends would even say it to me and my mom just basically told me to remove all stresses. I took a week off of life and focused on what made me happy. If I wanted to see a friend or talk to a friend I would. I would do it on my own terms though. I used to bend every which way for people and not really have a problem with it. It became tiring though and very hard on me physically and mentally. Physically because constantly being busy and doing something 24/7 (I mean I only stopped to sleep---I was always somewhere though). Mentally because it was a constant I have to be here here and here and if I didnt have a time to be somewhere, one plan always ran into the other. Thats why I am very picky about my time. Now dont get me wrong. I have said it multiple times before--- I would do anything in the world for my family and friends. I adore these people. But in order to make everyone happy--- I had to stress myself too thin and I finally just had a mental breakdown (4th of July weekend actually). As crazy as it sounds, it was probably the best thing in the world for me. I stayed away from everyone. It was nothing personal. I was stressed to the max and I just couldnt take it. I blew off my cousin's wedding, fireworks, picnics, parties. I couldve had a freaking awesome 4th of July weekend but I was so mentally stressed out I could not handle it. No I am not a nutcase... I am a person pleaser (not like that--- dirty mind). I love when people talk to me though. Dont get the wrong idea. It was more of a stressing myself too thin.

So I seem like a really unhappy person. I am not. I am actually pretty happy right now. This blog is mostly my "I have to vent somehow to everything because if I didnt, I am going to turn into the person I did in the above paragraph. I adore my family. I have a niece and 2 nephews (and several "nieces" and "nephews" lol). My niece is 5 and she is the apitamy of what I looked like at her age. They all think she's my kid! She's this little spitfire though. Oh my gosh. She has no problem putting you in your place and letting you know whats up! She's a rockstar. Hell yea! She's emotional but you'll have that and you just learn to love her for it. I have a 4 yr old nephew who is this little hellion but omg! He's so freaking great! He's so funny! And strong! OMG is he strong! Definately his father (my brother)'s son. Then its my Gabe-y baby! He's 17 months old! Oh geez. If there is one little man who could melt my little heart it's him! For sure! He loves his aunt Katie. He is the reason, someday, I want to have kids. When my sister got pregnant with him and she delivered him--- omg it was love at first sight. I love them all equally, yes, but he has my wrapped around his little finger!