Tears get you nowhere

I have learned, especially lately, that complaining to people does nothing when you're upset. Sure they listen to you but secretly I assume they are judging me. That's fine, everyone is entitled to be judgemental. I am just learning not to tell people when I am bothered by stuff because it only creates judgement and questions.... usually I am not one to want to answer questions about myself because that is getting personal. I have issues, I know. I know I am not always that little ray of sunshine, I rarely am. It's not my personality. I am sorry I am not bubbly. I am sorry I am not little miss princess who everyone adores. I am funny as hell though lol. My sarcasm is very dry and I am usually only funny when I try not to be. I feel like I cannot discuss when I am upset anymore because people are going to start distancing themselves from me and then Ill be all alone. Yes, I am scared to be alone. Not necessarily in the boy department it bothers me, but in general. I dont want people to always think that I am down. I am not usually but theres all these little stresses that eat away at me like an epidemic. I am a girl. I cry. I hide my emotions as best as I can and try not to break them out for people to see but some days, especially today, its hard to not be like "THIS SUCKS!". I know people care about me but I also dont want people think of me as a whiner. Everyone has problems, I realize this. Everyone has their own reality. Your reality is what you make of it. I am just oversensitive to life I think. I think I am going to harden though, already have begun to, and pretty much be desensitized completely. I have already begun the process with myself, consciously. I deeply care about myself and people and worry a lot but I am teaching myself to let things go and to just brush it all off. I am very judgemental unfortunately. I realized that tonight more than ever! I just really dont want people to think badly about me and I think some people already have.



I was told never to change by someone I used to be really close to. Sad but in a sense, good thing, is that I have changed immensely (sp). I am not who I used to be. I am taking everything at face value. I am not letting my morals be undermined though. I have become more girly (thanks to my BFF Sara lol) which is a good thing. I have been more opinionated and not taken advantage of. I have distanced myself from the dumb drama that I have had to deal with for many many years because it was literally taking a toll on me.