Kinda a sad one

So the house is clearing out. The family is taking what they want. I am smelling WW3 possibly brooding with family who doesnt live here. I can understand why on both accounts. I dont know. I walked in there today, my aunt's husband's cleaning and has been painting, my dad's in breeze way cleaning, my mom's going through pictures and taking stuff she wants. I got my rod iron birdcage I wanted. It's about 15- 20 lbs. and gorgeous. The house doesn't have the "homely" feel anymore. It's now officially just a house to me. A lot of the stuff that is being taken out, rearranged, moved, placed aside for the sale, etc and now it just like this house that I am unfortunately falling out of love with. It's no longer that house that was my other "safe haven". When I was there, anything outside of that house meant nothing to me. Nothing. My life outside of that house was irrelevent. The people outside of the house at the time... irrelevant. My problems... same.
I walked in that house today and you know what I felt? Nothing. I felt a weird sensation of how I didnt really like being there. I felt sad. I felt that in 2 months I know I will not return to that house because it will be bare and empty. It's not the same. I dont like the constant talk of "well blah blah is going to take that and Katie if you want anything, just take it." Take it? Take it?! You know what I want to take? I want to take myself and put myself back about 14 years when I was happy. When my both of my grandparents were still alive.... when everything made sense. When the thought of seeing my grandparents didnt make me want to cry. I feel so horrible because I am having a hard time going to see my other grandparents. I havent done it. I always talk myself out of it. I go shopping. I sleep. I go hang out or do something random. I dont deal with anything anymore. Everything I deal with... its all subconscious. I was telling my best last night that I am, as she refers to it, prioritizing things. I am also so angry. It's really ridiculous. I am going through every emotion all at once. I guess its only supposed to be one or a few, me... its about 20 things off of a check list.
This is the first time really I have been able to tell anyone really how I feel. Ill tell spurts. I cant figure anything out. My memory is mush. I know its all dealing with grieving but my gosh please make it end. I want to be normal. I want to be happy. I want to feel sane. I dont want to keep thinking of other things and trying to figure out things so that I can be angry with that and not with what I am personally going through right now. I dont want to keep missing him. I dont want my friends to worry about me (there's no reason to, I am okay, i am just depressed). I dont want things to be interfered with because of it all. I want to be happy. I almost wonder if I subside my feelings and concentrate on other things (like I have been) that I would be happy and all this stuff that I have discussed above would all go away. Its kinda funny because I feel this and I feel completely lonely too but that's a touchy subject because I have no idea what I want when it comes to boys. I dont know how fair it would be to any guy right now with everything that I am going through. I just dont know anymore. So i'll put on my happy face, supress it some and release it when I am alone like I always do. I know I have fantastic people around me and I am so blessed for that. I thank God everyday for that. I just really want things to go back to normal right now... whatever "normal" may be. Funny thing is... I am a psych student and I understand everything thats going on and I still feel like a nut.